If you’ve been following along with us on social media this November for Diabetes Awareness Month, you’ll notice that we’ve been talking a lot about shame and guilt, and how these emotions show up in our lives with diabetes. But, why talk about shame and guilt?
Shame and guilt are big emotions and they tell us convincing lies: that we are alone and that we will never be enough. Shame thrives in secrecy. It needs silence to do its work. So when we begin to shed light on these big topics, we begin to dismantle the stigma, shame, and guilt around diabetes. We all experience shame and guilt. They are common emotions, so it’s not a matter of if we experience shame and guilt but noticing how they show up in our lives.
So how does shame work? How does it show up in our day-to-day lives with diabetes?
D.L. Nathanson created the Compass of Shame to help identify behaviors behind shame and core emotions beneath the shame. In the center of the compass is shame. On the outer rim of the compass are the self-destructive behaviors associated with shame. The core emotions beneath our behaviors are located within the compass. We can use this compass as a tool to better understand how shame shows up in our lives with diabetes.
Here are the four main categories of self-destruction that Nathanson identified when we feel shame:
1. Withdrawal
⤑ includes isolation, hiding, and feeling disconnected
⤑ ie. never talking about diabetes with anyone
2. Attack of Self
⤑ includes putting oneself down and having a loud inner critic
⤑ ie. blaming ourselves and feeling guilty for not being able to manage our blood sugars “perfectly”
3. Avoidance
⤑ includes denial, addiction, numbing, and seeking distraction
⤑ ie. not checking blood sugars frequently
4. Attack of Others
⤑ includes blaming others, or lashing out verbally or physically
⤑ ie. blaming outside circumstances and avoiding accountability when it comes to managing our diabetes
These self-destructive behaviors often protect us from feeling difficult emotions like fear, anger, disgust (self contempt), and sadness. Shame’s core emotions are located within the compass and adjacent to the identified behaviors. When we begin to notice and acknowledge the emotions behind our behaviors the shame we feel, we can begin to work through them.
If you want to learn and read more about shame and guilt, you can explore the below links and resources!
- Stories from fellow members of the diabetes community
- Social media content highlighting members of the diabetes community
- The Compass of Shame free and downloadable worksheet
Shame doesn’t have to dictate your life and story with diabetes. You have the power to change the narrative. Find someone who has earned the right to hear and hold your story. It deserves to be told.